Guidance for planning a funeral at St Robert’s

A Prayer by St John Henry Newman

May the Lord support us all the day long,
Till the shades lengthen and the evening comes,
and the busy world is hushed, and the fever of life is over,
and our work is done.
Then in his mercy may he give us a safe lodging,
and holy rest, and peace at the last.

 Amen.

The Importance of Planning a Funeral

We are encouraged to be fully involved in planning our loved ones funeral liturgy. It is their final journey and an important part of the grieving process. Many funeral ceremonies today only look backwards.  Whilst we celebrate the life of the person whom the liturgy is for, we also look forwards to the eternal life they have been granted in light of the resurrection of Christ. The funeral service or requiem Mass helps us to let go of their mortal remains as, in loving trust, we give them back to the Lord who made them. So a requiem Mass or funeral service has the power to lift some of the burden of grief, giving us the strength to move forward with our lives.

The immediate aftermath of the death of a loved one is an emotional and sensitive time and Fr. Simon will be happy to meet in the presbytery with the family to offer pastoral care and to help them plan a worthy service for the person who has died.  To help with this, below are suggestions of readings and hymns that you might choose for the funeral service or requiem Mass of your loved one in church.  However, Fr Simon will help and guide you at this difficult time and these notes are simply an aid.  There is no need to be overwhelmed by the choices and advice – a simple phone call can settle your mind and Fr Simon can plan the service for you and prepare a booklet ready to be printed by the funeral directors.

A few things to think about first of all:

Funeral Service or Requiem Mass?

Either can be celebrated in church prior to a burial or cremation elsewhere.  For one who attended church each week, a requiem Mass would seem the most appropriate celebration though you might choose this for your loved one in other circumstances too. 

An alternative to the requiem Mass, used particularly when many attending are not familiar with Catholic liturgies, is to arrange for a parish Mass to be offered separately for the deceased. Then, on the day of the funeral, the family can choose to celebrate their loved one’s life and commend them to the Lord in the form of a more simple funeral service either in church or at Stonefall Chapel prior to burial or cremation.

Ideally, the wishes of the deceased will be known and taken into account when making this initial decision.

Eulogy

Hopefully, a family member or friend will be able to deliver a eulogy of no more than three to five minutes – a spoken tribute to the life and achievements of the person whose funeral service or requiem Mass is being celebrated. Recent guidance suggests that the ideal place for the eulogy is at the very beginning of the service or Mass.  It is requested that a copy of any such eulogy be made available to Fr Simon at least 24 hours before the service or Mass simply in order that it can inform his own words of preaching. 

Some families may feel that there is no-one able to deliver such a eulogy, for whatever reason, and then the priest can read a eulogy prepared by the family or else eulogy notes can help him in preparing the funeral homily.  Some families prefer to leave the eulogy until the reception after the service is over when they can remember the deceased in a less formal setting.

Music

Fr Simon will be able to engage an organist for the service should you wish music in the church. Only sacred music can be sung in church but if there are some other songs you wish played then these may be used at the graveside service or in the crematorium. Generally, using recorded music in church is discouraged.  The parish choir may be available, too, on request to sing solos and to augment the singing of hymns. An organist is generally available either way. There are methods of standard remuneration for musical accompaniment and these are generally dealt with by the funeral director along with the standard church fee for a funeral.  Worthy advice is to choose hymns which can easily be sung by a small congregation and which are well known by most people.

Format of the Requiem Mass or Funeral Service

Below is a link to a selection of readings, prayers and hymns that you might choose from as  appropriate for the funeral service or requiem Mass for your loved one. 

Depending on the circumstances, you may decide to have either one or two readings before the Gospel reading. The first one is normally from the Old Testament and the 2nd reading is normally from the New Testament. If you choose just one reading before the gospel, it can be from either. 

It is ideal if the family can provide a reader for each of the readings and for the bidding prayers but, if not, the priest or a parishioner in attendance can read the prepared texts. The celebrant will always read the gospel.

The responsorial psalm comes between the two readings and can be read by your reader. Alternatively, you may choose a well known psalm to sing eg. The Lord’s My Shepherd. You will find a number of responsorial psalms in the link below, but, again you are free to choose your own. 

After the homily, we pray for the deceased and for their family in the Prayer of the Faithful. Again, a family member or friend can prepare and/or deliver these prayers. If not, the priest will be happy to do so or to provide a reader.  An example of such prayerful intercessions is provided in the information on the link below after the suggested readings. Note that intercessions tend not to be printed in the order of service.

In a requiem Mass, family or friends may be chosen to bring the gifts of bread and wine to the altar in the offertory procession. 

After communion time you might decide to have a reflection read. You can find a selection in the links below. Again, it can be a read by a friend or family member. Alternatively, you may prefer this to be read at the crematorium or graveside.

Concelebrating clergy

It is custom and practise, except for in periods of their absence, for parish clergy to celebrate funerals and weddings in their own parish but if the family wish to invite another priest to be present and, possibly, to preach at the funeral, he would be made most welcome. 

Useful Links

You may find the links below helpful - the first is a comprehensive list of suggested hymns, readings and reflections, then there is a guide to funeral rites issued by Bishop Marcus in October 2021. This includes a section which you can complete with your wishes for your own funeral.  Then there are links to two generic funeral booklets - one for a funeral service outside Mass and one for a Requiem Mass.  Please do read the guide to funeral rites as this explains in a very comprehensive and sensitive way the customs and traditions of Catholic funeral rites.  As well as the links below, here you will find a series of reflections which might be included in the Service or the booklet.